He said... Want a quickie?
She said...As opposed to what?

He said... I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put
in it.
She said...You wear briefs, don't you?

He said... Do you love me just because my father left me a fortune?
She said...Not at all honey, I'd love you no matter who left you the

She said...What do you mean by coming home half drunk?
He said... It's not my fault...I ran out of money.

He said... Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to
you in the worst way.
She said...Well, you succeeded.

He said... 'If you only could learn to make me a proper meal, then
we could manage without the cook. And if you cleaned the house,
we could fire the maid as well.'
She said...'Darling, if you only could learn to satisfy me properly we
could do without the gardener too'

He said... 'Two inches more, and I would be king'
She said...'Two inches less, and you'd be a queen'

On wall in ladies room: 'My husband follows me everywhere'
Written just below it: 'I do not'

He said... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said...Turn sideways and look in the mirror.

He said... Let's go out and have some fun tonight.
She said...Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on.

He said... Why don't you tell me when you have an orgasm?
She said...I would, but you're never there.

He said... Every time women look at me, they can't help thinking of sex.
She said...Yeah, 'cause you look like a prick.

He said... "Shall we try a different position tonight?"
She said..."That's a good idea.... you stand by the ironing board
while I sit on the sofa and fart."