Later in Marriage

Him......   "Sweety, do you fancy trying a new position tonight"?
Her:... "Why yes my darling, you stand at the ironing board and IŽll sit on the sofa".


A husband and wife were celebrating her 40th birthday at a restaurant. He asked, "What would you like for your birthday darling? A Jaguar? A trip to Europe? A fur coat? A diamond ring?"
She replied, "I want a divorce."
"I'm sorry," he said. "I wasn't planning on spending that much."


What are four secrets to having a happy marriage?

It is important to find a woman who cooks and cleans.
It is important to find a woman who has a lot of money.
It is important to find a woman who likes to have sex.
It is important that these three women never meet!!


A married couple was eating at a restaurant when the wife noticed her ex-husband sitting at the bar. "He's been drinking since I left him seven years ago," she said to her current husband.
"That's silly, dear," he replied. "No one celebrates that much."


A young boy asked his father, "Daddy is it true that in some parts of China a man doesn't know his wife until they get married?"
The father replied, "Son, that happens in every country."


A woman told her friend, "I made my husband a millionaire."
The friend asked, "What was he before you married him?"
She replied, "A billionaire."


Two men were trying to get in a quick 18 holes, but there were two slow female golfers ahead of them. The first man said, "I'm going to ask them if we can play through." He got about halfway there and turned around. His friend asked, "What happened?" He replied, "One of them is my wife and the other one is my mistress. You try." So the second man walked toward them. Halfway there he turned around. His friend asked, "What happened?" He replied, "Small world."


Out on the golf course with his wife, the husband says, "Twenty years ago I had a brief affair. It meant nothing. I hope you can forgive me."

His wife was hurt but said, "Dearest, those days are long gone. What we have now is far more valuable. I forgive you." They embraced and kissed.

On the seventeenth tee, the husband was starting his back swing when the wife blurted out, "I'm sorry darling, I've been so conscience-stricken since you told me, but since we're being honest with each other, I have something to tell you also. Fifty-two years ago I had a sex change operation, I was a man before I met you. I hope you can forgive me."

The husband, froze at the top of his back swing, then threw a fit!  He slammed the driver into the ground, kicked the ball into the woods, stormed off the tee, pushed the golf cart over on its side, broke the rest of his clubs one by one, then started on hers. He screamed and ranted, "You cheat . you despicable deceiver! How could you? I trusted you with all my heart and soul...and all these years you've been playing off the ladies tees!!!



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